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i'm pathetic, yes [13 Jan 2003|11:19pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

What a depressing day. I stayed home from school because I was so tired. Yesterday wasn't enough break for me. I've been depressed all day and I couldn't stop eating. I ate so much and I never thought I would get full. It was weird. I watched Everwood and got even more depressed because I don't have a guy like Ephram. I swear, it's pathetic, the way I'm crazy about a damn TV character. I wish someone would shoot me. Why me?

Why does everything always have to be about sex? Please deliver me! If all you can talk about it sex, don't talk to me. Thank you.

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paint it black [12 Jan 2003|01:13pm]
[ mood | bored ]

I was gonna write last night, but my butt was too tired. I'm so happy the pageant is over. It was fun and all, but that is just not my thang. The only reason I did it anyway is so I could sing. Kristan was all goofy in his tux. Ha. I'm so upset that Alyssa didn't win. She really deserved it. She's my girl! We all went to eat at TGIFridays afterwards. We took up 7 tables. It was fun. I'm soo happy my Adam got back in time to see my song. I was excited. He was in Tennessee for too long. I missed him. My sorry father didn't show up. When I called him to find out why, all he said was "I couldn't make it". He's so full of shit. I will not be calling him and he will not be getting a ticket to my graduation. Grr. Oh well. Life goes on. Time for a movie...

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i'm holding my last breath, it's burning in my lungs [06 Jan 2003|10:40pm]
[ mood | unloved ]

I actually had a really good day at school today, other than the fact that Nathan was an asshole, but that's nothing new. I don't care about him. I saw my Kristan for the first time since the beginning of break. I thought I would die if I didn't see him soon. I went over to Chase's house after school and we worked on my pageant song. It shall be interesting. I watched 7th Heaven and Everwood. Those are great shows. Yes.

I'm in an awful state of confusion right now. It's hard to tell what's going on inside my head sometimes. I'm just a dumbass.

I'm so ready for college.

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this will all fall down like everything else that was [05 Jan 2003|02:52pm]
[ mood | confused ]

I had a dream last night that we were friends. It wasn't so bad.

I'm going with Emily to clean her car, since she got grounded AGAIN and that's all she can do. Her dad sucks.

Tomorrow is a school day. Excuse me while I throw up...

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whispered from my heart and soul to my unwilling eyes [05 Jan 2003|02:48am]
[ mood | weird ]

Today was absolutely the most boring day ever. I woke up at 10:30 and went to the doctor with my mom cause she's sick. I rented movies and came home and watched two of them. Requiem for a Dream is the most disturbing movie I've ever seen. I think I'm going to have nightmares. My mom told me to rent it cause I love drug movies, but that one was just a little too realistic. Whew. I liked it, but the old lady freaked me out. Unfaithful was good. Not nearly as disturbing.

I'm in the weirdest daze at the moment. I don't know which end is up. Could something be happening? I'm lost. Please explain...

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[31 Dec 2002|11:21am]
[ mood | content ]

I'm still in Garden City with my cousins. I've been here since last Thursday. It's been a lot of fun. We've pretty much been going non-stop, so I'm a little tired, but I'll live. We went to the Wailers show. It was fun. Robin entertained us with his dancing. I've seen 3 movies in the past few days, Two Weeks Notice, Maid in Manhattan, and Gangs of New York. The first 2 pretty much sucked, but Gangs of New York was awesome! The beginning was a little slow, but it got better. I got to see my boy Ryan. Hopefully I'll get to see him again before I leave. I saw my friend Adam Brown tooooo. He came in from Kentucky for a few days. He moved there during the winter, but he's moving back here for the summer. Adam and Donnell came over the day before yesterday. I was happy to see them since I won't be seeing them for like 2 more weeks. :( Donnell is going to Michigan and Adam is going to Tennessee. They suck. New Years Eve! I'm excited. I'm not sure exactly what we're doing. I think we're going to a few parties down here. Fun stuff.

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merry fucking christmas [25 Dec 2002|09:11pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

I hope everyone had a nice Christmas. Mine sucked ass. I only wanted one thing. Just ONE thing. A video camera. Did I get it? NO! I got a bunch of stupid shit that I didn't want and will never ever use. Fuck this. Everyone else got what they wanted. Why is my family dumb? No one seems to remember me asking for one almost every single day for the past 2 years. Well whooptie fucking doo.

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your love was like candy, artificially sweet [23 Dec 2002|11:59pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

I walk around all day with so many thoughts going through my head, but when it comes time to write them down, I can never do it. I always have trouble expressing myself. It always comes in phases. Fucking blah.

There are so many more constructive things I could be doing other than sitting here like a bum, but fuck it.

Don't be a homo. Call me.

"Homesickness is just a state of mind for me. I'm always missing someone or someplace or something. I'm always trying to get back to some imaginary somewhere. My life has been one long longing." ~ Prozac Nation

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there's no other place i'd rather be [22 Dec 2002|11:16am]
[ mood | tired ]

The past two days have been grreat! I had so much fun Friday night with my boys. During the show, they call kids down to the stage to sing Christmas carols..Chase and I went down there. It was so funny. After the show, we went to a party at Tangena's house and then to Machele's. Then we opened all our presents. I got some good stuff. Yay! Yesterday, Kristan came by and brought me a Christmas card that he painted. It's so perdy. Aww. Then I went with Emily to TGIFriday's and we ate a brownie obsession. Yum! I just got home a little while ago. I think I'm going to take a nap.

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my blood runs as red as yours [19 Dec 2002|10:51pm]
[ mood | thirsty ]

I've had the best week ever. I feel like I could fly. Play practice is awesome this year. I've never been so excited about something school related. In the past two days, I've learned not to judge people I've never really talked to. I thought I was going to have problems with a certain person in the cast, but she's one of my favorite people now. I've made a new friend. How grand. Only a few more hours till school is oooout. I'm so happy. Tomorrow should be good. I'm going to Opry and then Adam, Donnell, Chase and I are having our little Christmas deal..exchanging presents and such. Yay! I still need to find a song for the pageant. I think Chase and I are going to figure something out on Saturday. I hope so. I'm dead. Practice is funnn, but tiring.

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anita's gonna get her kicks toniiight [15 Dec 2002|10:03pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Such a boring day. I had to go to church with my grandmother at 6. Woo hoo! I'm waiting on Robin and Emily to come pick me up. We're going to Dan's. Blah. School tomorrow. I'm gonna cry. Only one more week. Then I get presents and see my cousins and Ryan! Yay! I finally get to see my Socastee boy!! Ah. They're here. Later.

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[14 Dec 2002|11:14pm]
survey for 80s childrenCollapse )
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and the first thing that i think of are his sympathetic eyes that see with only positive emotion [14 Dec 2002|10:40pm]
[ mood | lazy ]

What a busy yet long day! I had play practice from 9-12:30 this morning. It was so much fun! The mambo is great, although my partner is extremely stiff and has trouble moving his hips at all. It'll be ok. I got my Christmas shopping out of the way. I hope everybody likes what I got them. Shopping for guys is a bit of a pain. I'm always worried about sizes, even when I know the stuff will fit, it just looks weird to me. I came home and watched West Side Story with my mommy and wrapped presents. I had forgotten just how long that movie was. Geeze.

I'm in love with this book....

" I stand up to take out my contact lenses, which are falling out anyway, dripping down a sliding pond of tears. The pair I have on tonight is green, a spare set I got during a buy-one-get-one-free sale, which I wear when I feel like hiding behind a creepy, phony set of eyes. They give me an imanimate appearance like I'm spooked or from another planet or a lifeless Stepford Wife who cooks, cleans, and fucks with a blissful, idiotic smile. Because the lenses are already slipping off my pupils, it appears that I have two sets of eyes, some sick twist on double vision, and as they slide out I look like a living doll, a horror movie robot whose eyes have fallen out of their sockets.

And then I'm back on the floor."

~Prozac Nation

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[12 Dec 2002|09:06pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

Ew! JC from Nsync has a mullet now. How attractive. Haaa!!!

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i cringe at the sight of you [11 Dec 2002|08:52pm]
[ mood | tired ]

I had a decent day. Play practice went well. I'm over my whole bad attitude ordeal from yesterday. I have a much more positive outlook on it at the moment. However, that could all change tomorrow. I only see myself having problems with one person in the whole cast....

"Who's gonna do some hardcore dancing?!..I AM!..I'm going to be the best "Jet Woman"..I know EVERYTHING since I am sooo experienced in theatre.."

Kiss my ass! I hope you trip and break your face!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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hah [10 Dec 2002|09:11pm]
[ mood | bored ]

I was reading Rolling Stone...

"A dirty little secret among "Harry Potter" fans is the vibrating broomstick: a $19.99 toy that gives girls such a tingle between their legs that Mattel has discontinued it..."

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i cry my eyes out in my private little war [10 Dec 2002|04:55pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

Yeah, so the Westside Story cast list was posted today. I'm one of the "Shark Women". How fucking great. I know I should be happy because I made it at all, seeing as how he cut over 30 people, but I'm the only senior that didn't get a lead. I've never once had a part with an actual name. I'm always just in the group of background people. I'm always in the back, never in the spotlight. I guess I just feel like whining. I'm happy for the people that did get leads, because I know they'll do a great job. I'm just upset because I know I could never do as good as them. I'm never good enough. It depresses me. I just don't know if I'm doing the right thing. I quit my job to spend all of my time at play practice, and I don't even get a decent part. Whatever. I'm sorry for complaining so much.

I need to find a song to sing for the pageant.

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blah blah blah [04 Dec 2002|03:30pm]
Alriight. Well someone has felt the need to leave several anonymous comments.

Obviously you have nothing better to do with your time because you have to sit around writing ignorant things about me in order to make yourself feel like you've accomplished something great. It's too bad I'm not crying about it. If you knew me like you think you do, you'd know that I don't listen to music to brag about it or to make people think I'm cool. I listen to whatever I want to listen to, because I like it. Don't be bitter because you're unsure of your friendships when I know mine are the best in the world. Thank you for taking time out of your day to think about me so much to have to write about it. I must be very important to you.
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how amusing... [30 Nov 2002|04:42pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Today has pretty much sucked. Shelley has been sick all day and we've been watching movies. She had to go to the emergency room at 4:30am because she has a bad kidney infection and she was having bad pains. Anyway, James came over last night. My little cousin entertained him with her new Mary-Kate and Ashley movie. It was quite amusing. We're getting ready to have about 30 people over here for dinner. Geeze. I'm not in the mood to see 30 people at one time. Holy! Oh well. I'm going to take a nap before everyone gets here.

I'm not crying sweetheart. I'm wonderful. I just don't really understand why you felt that way. It's fine.

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i'm not crazy, i'm just a little unwell [29 Nov 2002|08:39pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

I'm in Garden City having a grand ol time with my wonderful cousins. Me and Shelley went to see the Christmas show at the Opry today so she could meet my Adam and my Donnell. We went to the mall and it was packed!! We're pretty bored at the moment. I think James might come down here tonight to chill with us, but I'll believe it when I see it, seeing as how he listens to what other people tell him to do. Thanks a lot. You kept me from seeing me friend. What have I ever done to you? Yeah, you're cute, but that doesn't mean I'm going to harrass you or bother you. I'm sorry.

I hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving. I know I did. My Yia-Yia knows she can cooook!! Yummmmy!

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